It's okay, I am sorry

I'm so sorry
What's the point of saying sorry,
If in the end you will just do the same mistake?
I gave you all the things about me

I gave you my biggest secrets
Hoping that we would be able to share the sadness and happiness together
Was I too naive at the time?
Was I too dumb at the time?

How many times I caught you cheating behind me,
Do you even remember that you ruin me right on my birthday?
I was too naive at the time I suppose,
believing you easily that you only giving ride to my friend
but you guys sneakily dating behind me.

aren't that too cruel?
why?

That's okay I am a strong girl, I said to myself.
I'm okay with it, I can just find another guy to give me happiness and love
again , I open my heart too wide.
Too happy that I clumsily thought that I found another good guy to love me

I'm so stupid, how come I am this stupid. Act without even thinking
assuming things too quickly by myself
and here I am ended up in a hospital bed . Almost dying because of my stupid action.
almost dying because being broken heart.
Do you even know this?
and people assume that I'm the one who is being a jerk by taking you from your girl
aren't that too cruel?
Can I just let you pass by saying sorry...

I did let you pass, because why not ...
I'm a strong girl, I lie to myself

I was naively thinking that only strangers can actually broke your heart
that your family will be your love shelter
that I will get abundant of affection and love from the closest person of mine

No, it's only in a drama.
people living for themselves, they prioritize their own happiness first
it's not a problem for them if they need to break one heart first to achieve those happiness
hard to admit it, but the woman who taught me about love and kindness
is the one who broke her own promise, flew away by herself, helping herself to find another happiness

Why? do you leave me, when I really need you the most?
come to think again, when is the last time we actually having a talk together?
You never really heard me isn't it?
all the things that I can remember is your pain...
have you once listening to my pain as well?
I don't know myself, I don't remember as well

wait... I am a mature girl , I need to think in a different point of view
aside of being selfish by myself, and blame everything after you.
I blame myself, to let this happened so easily right before my eyes.
aren't that suppose to be my role to remind you, to stop you. 

this is my fault... I am sorry , you would let this pass too, right God?

Now, I am a grown up.... or that's probably what I can think of myself
I am once again clumsily think that I deserve happiness as well, and it's okay to hurt other people feeling as long I feel okay about it. 

and I did, I really did.
I play with people feeling, dump them whenever i want.
without any reasons,
I didn't even give them chance 

I want a square fair play of say sorry
Isn't this the idea of saying sorry?
I don't know ....
I'm not really sure either.

- for you dear first person who let my heart & body flutter, to you dear person with a sweet talk and kind act an, for you dear person who claim yourself as my best friend then left with my precious possession, for you dear woman who raise me and taught me about love and happiness - I am sorry for what I've done, and I am sorry for myself for letting you pass and getting hurt by myself in the process - 

Pitiful Lady

Bragging too much about yourself
how cool do you think you are?
From 1 – 10 how many your scale is?

You said you are mature enough
You call me childish and nonchalant
You said you are the icon of lady like
You call me ignorant and naïve

Yet you cry just because you broke up
Yet you throw tantrum just because things don't go as you like
Yet you keep talking about how ugly I am

No, I will just close my ears.

All the things that you’ve said about me
let me just considered that as compliment
if you ask me, do I hate you or not?

I am. I hate you too much
until I don’t know the bond between hating and obsession

Glad I realize as soon as possible, and realized that you are one of the obstacles
that I need to thankful for
God sent you to help me grow

We use to be best friend don’t we? Or do we?
why do we get mad over each other until this far?
aren’t you tired living in hatred?

You blame me, with all the bad things happen to you
You said you are mature enough
you call me childish and nonchalant
Let me be the one who laugh the loudest now

I have nothing to say to you anymore
I have no willingness to help you

You said you are mature enough
So, save yourself.

I don’t have much time mending with the bitch

Running away

It's not how i supposed to be.
This is not me, I am not like this at the first time
When is the first time anyway?
I forget....

Why do i keep running away? Why do i keep ignoring?
Why do i keep telling myself that being like this is okay?
Shouldn't i step on my own feet right now, and doing the best that i usually done

Oh, maybe because I don't have so many reasons right now to trying hard
to push myself to compete with the world.
or is it because, I scared?

I scared of getting hurt? getting down? and disappoint?
how pathetic....
what do you want to do then? running away?
running where? you just gonna ended up here
why do i keep circling back?
because you are too scared to jump

you keep screaming 'freedom' and act like a nonchalant kid
while you actually the one whom chained by the situation
why don't blame the situation then?
but aren't you the one who put yourself in?